"that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death," (Phi 3:10)
As I lie there dead, waiting, unable to do anything while others are busy doing this and that, getting so involved in many activities. I just lay down dead, they say I am too passive and that I have to get up and do something for myself, they ask me to do this and that. They started singing the praise of various activities, especially spiritual activities, all the while they emphasize the benefits of doing this or that just to make me get up and join them. But I couldn't, what they didn't understand was that I am dead and I just couldn't do anything on my own.
As I remain there dead, constantly crying for life, not my life but his life because I no longer want to live my life, I have already given up my life. I cry desperately for his life and then it came, it took hold of me, it posses me. It was like every part of my being now belongs to this Life, yes the Life now owns me. It tighten it clutches upon me, it's hold is too powerfull and I became a slave to the Life, yes here I found myself a prisoner of the Life. As I was thinking that I have been cursed for I would live a prisoner all my life, then suddenly something happened, something wonderful, something great, something beautiful. I found myself doing things in a new way, a better way.
When I pray it is totally different, totally alien from my former prayer life. It is like heaven comes down and envelope me, I enter into the presence of the Almighty God. Oh, curse be to this body for it cannot withstand the presence of my Lord, it always react to the glory of his presence. Each time I close my eyes to pray it like I'm in a whole new world and then the Spirit posses me, for I cannot pray on my own, he prays through me. Oh, what a wonderful prayer life, what a powerful prayer life, it is the power of his resurrection.
When I open my Bible, it like a light brighter than the sun just emanate from my Bible. I can't read a verse without feeling like my head is about to explode, all the load and loads of revelation, I can't bear it, I can't contain it. No, it is not my intellectual but it is the power of his resurrection. My Lord comes down to teach me, he tells me 'read here', and as I do he says 'it enough now go to this other book and read here', well I just follow. And then he says 'stop there and read it all over again, then jump to so and so verse or so and so book', and when he is through he says 'can you see'. And then it is like a whole new world just break open for me and I could see, I could see behind the veil. Oh, and it beautiful, it powerful, it a mighty revelation and yes I could see.
My evangelism is also the same, it is beyond the natural. I preach to people who are unwilling to listen and by the time I'm through they are like "Wow", it like this light just comes and shine upon them and they see Christ, they see his beauty and greatness. No, this is not me, this cannot be me, it the power of his resurrection. All my abilities, skills and knowledge I us to boast of before, I just look at them now and laugh, for they are nothing compared with the power of his resurrection which I now experience. All those things I thought I was good at doing and now I realize I was greatly lacking. Now It's like whatever I do there is this power behind it. Now I feel truly alive, yes this is real life and it comes from death, it is a product of the power of his resurrection.
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." (Gal 2:20). This is the normal life of a true Christian.