Life is getting boring and I'm loosing interest in the occupation of myself. I'm tired of this vicious circle of endless wondering. I'm tired of always pleasing myself, always finding satisfaction for myself. I have become a slave of my cravens and I desire freedom. I'm tired of wanting and pursuing, all these seem like it would never end. Where shall I find rest for my wary soul. I want all these to end, I want death. Non of it make sense anymore, all these activities, responsibilities, pursuit etc is this what life is all about? I don't want to be consume with the mundane things of this world, this tedious walk that man have assign for themselves. I'm tired of waking up each day to continue in this routine work, this unending activities. I don't want to be an ordinary man, don't want to be another animal that walk the surface of the earth. What is the essence of living to survive in order to die one day, life just doesn't make sense to me anymore, it's meaning less. It's you I want oh Lord, it's you I've esteem above life. It's you I want to live.
No! I don't want to live life and be so engross in myself, so occupied in satisfying myself - going my own way and doing whatever I like. I'm tired of this darkness that surrounds this self-life. Pursuing self-interest, self-promotion, it's all death and loneliness. I'm tired of indulging myself. Lord it is you I want, it you my soul hunger for. I want to see you, to look upon you, to do you and say you, to be occupied with you. I want the end of my self. I want to rest from the wariness of being myself and living my life. It is your life I want oh Lord, so I embrace the cross. Yes, this is the rest I seek oh Lord, to fall upon the altar and lay dead for you my love. Oh dear Lord, I'm obsess with you, I'm posses by your love and I'm addicted to the sweetness of your life. So give me the cross oh Lord and I would accept it with gladness. I would reach out through this death to experience your life, to be united with your life. Oh, the life behind that cross is meaningless, it is worst than death. Take me through the cross and bring me to your life.
How can I continue to live this life when I've seen a life far more beautiful in Christ? Oh the treasures of this world have lose there value in my eyes, life have lose it's beauty to me. For I have seen something greater and I would die a thousand time to have you, sweet Jesus. I'm ready Lord and I desire it, give me the cross and I would embrace it with all my being.