I mean, I could feel it, it became like a tangible thing inside of me that I could feel. Like how one would feel hunger, or feel his heartbeat, I could feel life in me. This awareness later grew to the extent that I could feel it’s quite overwhelming. It was so overwhelming, filled with bursting energy of excitement, joy, peace and satisfaction. Sometimes I can't help but scream, “I’m alive, I can feel it!”
I later realized I wasn’t just awakened to life, I could also sense death. I could sense death in my environment, I could sense how death was trying to penetrate into me as I engage with my environment. I could sense how my interaction with the world around me provokes death (the carnal man in me) and tries to cause it to grow inside of me.
I can still sense it today when I pay enough attention, and I am trying always to pay enough attention so that I could avoid death and continue to grow in life. If you have been following this series you will realize how important it is for us to avoid death and focus on growing in life till we are completely filled with life (see John 10:10).
The feeling of death is sickening, it is dark and dirty. Many of us do not notice or sense this because we are deep in it. Those who live in the mud will never know how awful being dirty feels like, and those who live in a place where there is only dirty water will never know how irritating it feels to drink dirty water. It becomes normal to these people, it’s the way they live and they have become used to it.
That awful and sickening feeling of death penetrating into you becomes a myth to those who are deep in death. So this discernment naturally develops as you go deep into life and lose yourself in it. When we develop this discernment we can live very carefully, avoiding death, recognizing it, pulling it down and bringing it to an extinct in our members.